Selfish

I understand.
I know he’s going through a lot,
I know she’s busy with school work,
I know i could be handling this better.
But is it really all that bad,
If i want someone to pay me some attention,
Whenever i cry out loud,
In sheer loneliness or frustration.

I’m selfish i know,
To even think this way,
But its the truth, the plain way I feel.
And guilt tripping me on the daily,
Wont necessarily make it go away.

Everyone has their own problems,
So I’m learning to deal with mine.
But I want to know, I really wanna to know,
If its all that bad to need some help.
I get in my head sometimes and beat myself up,
I do it to myself more than others cause its just who I am.
A lot of times, if not all the time,
I need someone to drag me out, stop me.
But lately there’s been no one around.

I kinda feel like a burden.
Like a heavy load people carry on their backs.
But its different cause the load, me, is actually alive,
Constantly asking or advice, for attention, for help,
Wanting the carrier to understand, provide.
I should pity them, which i do and quiet down,
So they can go about their daily lives and reach their destinations.
But what if i really do need someone,
And no one sees me till its too late.

I’m dramatic i know.
And i have a history of being self centered,
and taking things too far,
But I don’t think I’m being selfish.
At least not this time.
I think I’m tired of feeling lonely all the time.
Tired of feeling like my dreams have fallen apart.
And i know someone out there is going through worse,
And my loved ones have their own issues to deal with,
But it’d be nice if sometimes they checked in.
A little “hi, hyd?” Once in a while
Never hurt anyone, did it?

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I’m sorry. It’s kinda been a while. It’s been a rough week. I’ll definitely write a poem about it another time but for now this is what I’ve got.

The world can be such and ugly place sometimes and like someone once said “all we have in this terrifying world are the connections we make” it really is true. God put people in our lives for a reason. So if you need a shoulder to lean on it’s ok. You’re not a burden and you are not selfish.

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