A poem (hopefully this goes well)

Her worst nightmare.

Increased heart rate,
Shaky palms,
I log in to see my results,
Oxygen seems scarce,
Because it just feels like,
Everything has been leading up to this moment.

The internet is slow,
But the page finally loads.
Ending the dance I share with suspense.
I suddenly feel numb as it dawns on me,
I missed the cut off mark by five points.

It feels like I’m not really there,
Like I’m watching this happen to someone else.
All the sounds, sensations it suddenly feels weird,
I must be watching this happen to someone else.

It has happened but I still cant comprehend.
I see my score clearly, boldly written.
But I can’t believe it, I don’t want to accept it.
“What happened Bisola?” My mum shouts
“What did you get?”
I go to my room, I shut the door,
Not caring what happens next.

My thoughts hit me in volumes,
Sparing me no mercy.
It feels like I’m being splashed with cold water,
Like I’ve been stabbed by an unknown foe.
Finally the numbness gives way to pain,
Hot searing pain so harsh its almost physical.
I cry and I can’t stop,
I want to stop but I can’t.

I tried so hard, so very ridiculously hard
How was my best, still not good enough?
How can i give it my all
And my efforts amount to nothing?
How can i go through that much pain
And still not get something?
Anything.

You might tell me I’m over reacting,
That it isn’t the end of the world,
Just an exam score,
After all.
But I’ve been a perfectionist my whole life,
Overworking myself to make everyone else happy.
How do i tell my parents I might have to wait back another year?
How do i tell my friends that all my studying amounted to nothing?
Nothing at all.

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And here is the second post of the day. Imagery can be hard to utilize especially when you’re not in that dark place anymore. This poem is written from the perspective of someone with high functioning anxiety if you’re wondering, hence the distraught tone of the poem. I really hope this poem was “real enough” if you get what I mean. Thanks for reading.