Today has been rough. I cried a lot and it was a for reason that’s already been well established. ASUU is on strike, I can’t go out and there’s not much I can do about it. I should just accept it all right? Funny, you sound like everyone who’s tried to give me advice over the past seven months.

I’m typing this and I told my sister to be completely quiet. She doesn’t listen but this time I don’t mind because it’s Asa’s “why can’t we” playing as she uses my tablet and I love that woman to the moon and back. I wouldn’t have found out about her if the strike hadn’t happened. So I guess that’s something to be grateful for.

That’s the entire point of this. Just sprinkling in some positivity in the bittersweet dish that is life. I read a twitter thread today that basically said that one day we’d thank God for the opportunities we missed because they paved the way for the beautiful lives that we’d eventually live out later. It made so much sense because the writer illustrated this point with a story of her own.

I’m guessing there were good parts of the strike. Finally patched up a relationship with someone I thought I’d never forgive. I feel like I’ve grown stronger and I know a lot more. Pain is a surprisingly good teacher, we’re just too stubborn so it doesn’t have a lot of students. I went through a lot of things, I remember messing up my A levels, going days without a personal message, and finding out my writing wasn’t as good as I thought it was. But through all these things I’ve grown. It’s weird but I feel smarter and wiser.

That’s not to say that this doesn’t hurt. This morning I wrote a letter to God telling him how I wish I had more freedom and kinda wishing he’d just change the situation already. I also ranted to a new friend who was understanding and the conversation went surprisingly well. Like I said before I cried, because I’ve spent most of the strike if not all of it alone. My closest friends had been away at school and the others had been busy with their part time jobs.

It’s not fun to be idle. I take great pride in having great grades, being able to help people and do other things that are pretty cool. But for the past few months it’s been like my life is paused and God doesn’t want to press play. Someone said it’s like I’m in the hectic part of the movies, where my faith is tested and it becomes strong. But I just feel useless and helpless most of the time and it sucks butt.

But I did it. I made it through. And though things aren’t completely better I do feel okay now. I no longer feel the need to cry all the time and I am not being haunted by the fear of the future all the time. I’m okay now. I’m okay.

Another day will come though. One where I don’t feel as grateful and I just want to grab life by the horns- and toss it away. But maybe that’s the whole point of it all, experiencing the highs so you can also understand the lows and experiencing the lows so that you can truly cherish the highs. Maybe, just maybe that’s the point of this song and dance called life.