It felt like the world was spinning around me that day. It felt like the disbelief was twirling me around and around and I couldn’t stop. I felt dizzy but there was something else I felt, a heat rising in my chest that made me clear headed enough to focus on Chisom who was snapping her gum in front of me, the wrong papers in her hand. There was something else that made me want to snap her in half instead of just letting the other group members do it instead.

Anger

“Can you repeat what you said again?”
I ask her surprisingly calm. I can still hear a few voices in the background talking about how stupid she is but my best friend Tammy is quiet. I’m guessing she knows something is different.

“I threw them away na” She said with a shrug “I thought they were the ones you were talking about”

“Chisom” I didn’t know when I had started clenching my fists “Everyone in the group heard me when I said to throw the papers in the right pile away. You just threw away our presentation”

“I said I was sorry na” Chisom whined “At least we still have two more days to do it”

Never in my life, had someone looked more irritating to me, I realized. Usually, when I was feeling this pissed I would start yelling or I would stomp away and Tami would tag along so that she could calm me down. But not this time, this time was different. I had spent three sleepless nights making sure that this was perfect. And she’d gone and just thrown it away. Literally.

With my fist balled up correctly, I smashed it into her face. The punch landed on her nose with this satisfying crack that I didn’t know body parts could make.

“Blood of Jesus!” Ebuka, our class rep exclaimed. I didn’t have time to look around at everyone but I could tell from the gasps and shouts, that they were shocked.

Chisom screamed like the drama queen that she was, clutching her nose like it wasn’t already damaged. Watching her fall dramatically to the ground made me realize that I wasn’t done with her. I wanted her to actually feel the pain I felt not pretend to feel it.

I moved closer to her and kicked her in the face. She landed flat on the ground before proceeding to scurry away from me.

“That’s enough Babes” Tami said, the only one bold enough to stand beside me “I know she’s a bitch, but this won’t get you anywhere”

Can you imagine this girl actually got back up. That’s right, Chisom, with tears in her eyes was walking towards me with her hand raised. One of her friends was trying to hold her back but Chisom easily pushed her away.

“But it’s so satisfying” I said to Tami before twisting Chisom’s hand in an odd angle. I didn’t even know where I was getting this energy from. But I wanted more of it, because that crack I heard in Chisom’s hand was calming me down more than anyone’s words ever had. When I realized Chisom was temporarily Incapacitated I gave her a resounding slap. It wasn’t as satisfying as the punch but I was done. I felt better. I could see from the redness on her cheek and the look in her eyes that she understood how I felt now.

Chisom stumbled backwards from the impact of the slap. While her friends and multiple boyfriends attended to her, I walked away with Tami right behind me.

“That wasn’t the right thing to do Melody” Tami said as we walked out of the class “You of all people should know better than that”

I laughed bitterly before stopping in my tracks. Tami looked at me, confusion in her eyes, like she couldn’t recognize me. I sighed and shook my head.

“That’s the thing” I said “I know what it’s like to be around people who don’t listen. People who say whatever they like to me because they’re pissed in the moment then try to make up for it when it’s already too late. I know what it’s like Tami for people to assume I’m weak because someone hit me and I cried instead of hitting them back . I’ve never had anger issues before. Hell, I didn’t even know I could land a good punch before today. But I’m tired Tami. I’m tired of people walking all over me because I’m sensitive. I’m tired of people taking advantage of my kindness and patience”

Tami didn’t say anything for a while. She was thinking about what I had just said. And I could already tell that she understood. She nodded before speaking,

“I have to admit that Chisom deserved what she got” Tami said “And that you have every right to feel the way you do. But I hope when you’re less angry, you realize that it was always better when you walked away or cried instead of retaliating. There are terrible people like Chisom out there who really need to be left the fuck alone. By fighting them or getting revenge, you’re only letting them pull you into their darkness”

I thought I had gotten past the “I cry when I’m angry phase” But I guess it wasn’t a phase because I was crying right now. Tami put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a sad smile.

“People treat you this way because your sensitivity is like a light. It shines and it makes everyone feel beautiful and nice even when they never thought they could be. And just like I don’t always acknowledge the sun because I know it’ll still shine tomorrow, there are people out there who won’t acknowledge you. They’ll see how valuable you are and take you for granted because they’re too damn useless to know what it’s like to feel used”

I laugh through my tears and wipe them away. Tami smiles and continues.

“I actually preferred it when you didn’t retaliate. It was never a sign of weakness to me and it will never be to someone who really knows you. You’re so patient sometimes that it’s scary and it’s something I hope I can be as well. Please don’t go around punching your problems because that’s what society thinks it means to stand up for yourself. I like your method better”

I pulled Tami into a hug and she hugs me back. I thought today was going to be the last day I showed this kind of emotion, that after punching Chisom there was no going back. But I guess mankind isn’t doomed afterall if people like Tami exist to remind me that I’m not weak for walking away. And to remind me of how valuable I really am.