That’s how I feel,
Utterly numb.
Like I felt too much at one point,
Then suddenly nothing at all.

I can’t get out of bed,
Can’t find my motivation,
Everyone’s telling me,
“Get up, you can do it”
And oh yeah I can hear them,
But can’t seem to manage it .

I feel stuck.
And I suddenly don’t care.
Even if I could suddenly get, everything I want,
A single emotion I couldnt spare.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me,
Have I given up? Not exactly.
Things just don’t matter to me.
At least not as much as they did before.

I feel like I’m doing something wrong,
But I don’t know what that is.
My parents think I’m lazy,
And I honestly wish that was it.
I should be happy now right?
I got what I wanted.
But when I said I wish I didn’t feel so much,
This isn’t what I meant at all.

Maybe I should just let it run its course,
And this empty feeling will go away.
But how do I know how long it’ll last,
Or how long it wants to stay.
To be honest it might be better this way,
At least I don’t feel anger when I don’t get my way,
Or extreme sadness when my dreams fade away.

The main problem is,
I need to get work done.
But how do I do that,
When I can’t even get up.
I really want to, trust me.
I want to feel better even more than you do.
But I’m tired of pulling myself up,
Only to get pushed down every single damn time.

“You do this to yourself”
“You need to control your thoughts”
It’s exceedingly hard to do that when the situation doesn’t change.
I mean I’ve tried so hard,
And I’ve come so far,
But I’m starting to wonder,
If it even really matters.

I still want to try though,
I want to get up.
But when I look at the books at the end of my bed,
I shake my head and wonder,
If this was really the best path,
Maybe I should have picked another course or made a different choice,
Maybe then, I wouldn’t be here,
Feeling so ridiculously numb.